My friends have abandoned me, they won’t talk to me, they believe someone who they know is a liar over me. I don’t want it to end, but it probably will…. I don’t want it to end like this, I need them. I think I am in a downward spiral of ‘depression’. I constantly feel sick, tired and sad, no one wants to talk to me, no one values my existence. 

I’m a weak willed human being, I keep meeting up with him, fucking him, becoming more emotionally attached than what I was before. I still don’t know what to do about it. Cutting seems to temporarily make it go away, I don’t want it to get worse though… I keep eating too much but I don’t have the willpower to stop and to lose weight.

I wish I could just become invisible, for a week or so, just to see if the people I care about actually care about my disappearance 

For fuck sake, we’re talking like normal and you just say ‘Whatever, I don’t care’. I’ve had many opportunities to say that to you but I never say it, do you know why? It’s because I have fucking manners.

You want me to come over to yours tomorrow for ‘Tea and stroking’, fuck that. I’m not letting you use me like this no matter how much I still care about you. You’re self centred, as long as you’re fine then nothing else matters, I don’t matter to you any more.

I’ll probably get a text in a few hours saying ‘Sorry’ or something, I won’t reply, I won’t give you any attention.

I can’t say that, I know I will text you, I know I will give you attention… I just can’t get over you.

I just don’t know what to do anymore…

We’re texting, everything seems like what it was before, you seem happy.

I just don’t know what to think or what to do, you seem to be inviting me back in to your life but at the same time, pushing me away.

I’m too stubborn to go back to you with open arms, or do anything with you outside of our relationship. You were too focused on training and talking your exes to be concerned about me. I guess we were too mismatched… We want different futures which are incompatible with each other, your lifestyle isn’t suited to be in a serious relationship.

I can’t let go as easily as you, you were my first everything and I probably seemed like some other girl to you that you’ll forget about in a few months.

I tell you that I miss you but you never say it back, it makes me wonder why you’re texting me, is it because you do miss me but you’re just as stubborn as I am?

I don’t know, you’re confusing me… I don’t know what my next move will be, will I give in to temptation and give myself back to you? I hope not, but if I do then I guess it was meant to be…